Animal jokes

Randy The Rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff". And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Preacher's Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by...

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.

Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed...

Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!

Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Bec...

Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !

Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked...

Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet...

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Becaus...

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers !

Why don't whales eat sushi very often? O...

Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.

Why don't lobsters share? They're shellf...

Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes...

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it's a 'mane-lion' station !

Why do polo bears like bald men ? Becaus...

Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !

Why do bears have fur coats ? Because th...

Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

Why did the whale like the diver? Becaus...

Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!

Why did the whale cross the road ? To ge...

Why did the whale cross the road ? To get to the other tide !

Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Becaus...

Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tiss...

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thank...

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? ...

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.

Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Bec...

Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!