Car and train jokes

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburator."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburator? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I'm telling you, the car has water in the carburator!"

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburator is! I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over sleepers.

Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along? They only run a skeleton service.

Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix? He was asking for directions.

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost? It had a nervous breakdown.

Who drives away all his customers ? A taxi driver.

Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers.